I have been married for over 35 years, and we have never been very good at having “date nights.” It’s not that we didn’t understand the importance of having times when just the two of us went out together. We lived pretty busy lives – especially when our three boys were growing up – and often waited until the end of the week. Unfortunately, when the weekend happened upon us, we either felt an errand or chore needed to get done, the kids had somewhere they needed to be, we were too exhausted from the week, we didn’t want to spend the money, or we couldn’t determine what to do. It wasn’t a priority; we could always lean on one of the above excuses. Now, please don’t hear what I am not saying. We did have date nights; we just didn’t make them a big enough priority. It wasn’t until recently that we have become intentional.
Here is what I have come to understand about each of my excuses. Yes, there are errands and chores to be done, but they should not supersede our loved ones. If it means going to the store or doing a load or two of laundry on a weekday night to free up time on the weekend, then that’s what we do.
Next, having young kids certainly makes it more difficult. I loved spending time with my kids, but I realized that loving and prioritizing my wife was one of the best examples I could be to them. We would watch our friends’ kids so that they could go on a date, and they would do the same for us. Unfortunately, I wish we had done that more often because it worked great.
Despite our exhaustion, I discovered that a ‘date night’ with my wife never left me more tired. In fact, it infused us with energy. We learned to choose activities that would rejuvenate us and unwind any stresses from the week. For instance, we recently attended a local cover band concert with a couple of close friends. It was a refreshing summer night under a full moon, filled with laughter, good music, and conversations that reminded us of our younger days.
Next, spending money was often a stickler for us. We weren’t trying to be cheap. We were attempting to be wise stewards. This is where creative dates come into play. When things are financially tight, we need date nights. Financial stress will damage your marriage unless you find unity and peace as a couple. A date may be a picnic in the park, free events put on by the community, or even a long walk under the moonlight. Also, we need to build dates into our budget. It doesn’t need to be a large amount. It just needs to be enough to keep you from using money as an excuse for why we can’t go out.
One of our most common excuses was not being able to decide what to do. We often found ourselves in a loop of ‘I don’t care, what do you want to do?’ ‘I don’t care, whatever you want to do.’ This indecision often led to us not doing anything at all. To overcome this, we started taking turns to plan our date nights. This strategy worked well for us, especially when we stuck to it. We also found that scheduling dates weeks or even months in advance helped us avoid having other less meaningful events taking priority.
We still struggle at times to have our date nights, but we continue to work on making them a priority in our marriage. It’s a journey for sure. How about you? Is this something you struggle with, or is it something you feel you do quite well? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas. Please email me at bglim@cifinc.org.
